Seems like such an innocent question, doesn't it? Okay, if I were to tell you that my favorite color is ...green, my favorite shape is ...heart, my favorite flavor is ...chocolate (just love chocolate cake; don't know why they even bother with that yellow or marble concoction), my favorite Christmas movie is ...White Christmas, or that my favorite team is the ...Pittsburgh Steelers, then you'd probably chime in and tell me your favorites. (Of course, you may be a real sports fanatic and have a definite opinion about my favorite sports selection. This would inevitably lead into a harmless conversation of bantering statistics about players' talents, six Super Bowl wins, the most ever, and stuff like that. Grin.)
Now let's apply that question to people and see where we get. My favorite actor is ...Sean Connery, my favorite dancer was ...Danny Kaye, and my favorite teacher was ...Mrs. Meyers (7th grade Science).
So far so good, but I believe that's because these "favorites" although based on personal preferences, tastes, and interests are quite fairly innocuous in nature. I mean, "Who really cares anyway?"
Now suppose that in your family or your work place one starts to distinguish 'favorites.' Hmmmm. What if grandma says she likes Billy more than Mike? And, that's obvious because she hugs him tighter when greeted, spends more time talking to him when she visits, or asks him for his opinion. Or, how about your sister who says at dinner that she likes Uncle Jack and Aunt Millie better than ...? She even goes so far as to make them a special gift at Christmas, but doesn't do the same for ... Go a step further. The office rumor is that Max is the boss' best buddy. Is it the truth? After all, he always gets the fun projects, is invited to go out after work on Fridays, and is never corrected in front of the staff.
I would suspect that how you feel about these 'favorites' would be very different than the ones discussed about color, taste and sports. But, why? Is it because when a 'favorite' is declared on a neutral topic and based on low-impact discriminating values, then it doesn't really matter? However, when this concept is applied to people like family members or co-workers it becomes ... well, er ... downright personal. Is it possible that those selections were made by comparing and contrasting similarities and differences that could affect how others are treated? Could some of these choices be based on cultural issues? Languages? Body art? Clothing?
For me, that's the danger in forgetting how important diversity is in the public arena. Whether at church, home, school, or work, I must be mindful of how I express my 'favorites' especially when these selections are made with respect to personal similarities or differences. There may be no clear way for me to rid my mind of them, but I can and do have the choice of how I treat others because of them. I believe in people being created equal. I do not believe that we were all created the "same." That's my point ... equal ... just not the same.
Well ... now ... this has been an edgy topic. Do you have stories of how this happened to you, or other family members that you can share? Do you have questions on how best to handle situations like this in the public arena? If so, then talk tough with Troy and get busy with some comments. It is Thursday ... all email lines are open and operators are standing by (that would be operator me, of course.)